Galicia Gordon on Leading Learners Blog

Apr 12, 2022

The Reason Why People Take Advantage Of Others At Work/School (+ How To Not Be)

Forcing people who are kind, generous, and only have everyone’s best interests at heart at work, a community group, volunteer work, or school to become scarce and unavailable is the worst thing anybody can do on this Earth.

The absolute worst.

It mentally tells these people “the world would be better off without you,” “stop being nice, what is wrong with you?” and that they “deserve” what they have gone through.

I have never been rude, insulting, belittling, or mean to anyone ever. Not a single person. Never. In all my life. And have zero plans to.

But, in the context of being taken advantage of, it does not matter how nice you are. Or claim to be.

Many take advantage of others without even knowing it. 

There is a female leader who was always nice to everyone in group sessions I was attending for 3 months ⏤ I want to guess 50 people. She actively wished everyone was well and continually told the group of girls that they were valuable. Who would not want to be close with her? Everyone drew to her like flies to a lamp. She was a ball of light and made every single person feel uniquely valued.

Sadly, however, she was taken advantage of. Always. Every time. Without fail.

And, even sadder, everyone always saw her as someone who would forgive them. And she did.

She was ghosted in the past by many, and deliberately *asked* and told the group not to ghost her. They still did. She empowered everyone in the group to push forward when she could not herself, and told everyone never to give up. She gave up. As did most of us in the group.

As much as I want to deny and shrug it off, we do teach people how to treat us. We do. Nobody else.

Myself, knowing I would never hurt anyone on this Earth or do any wrong, still sadly did. As sad as it is, I got an email from her, saw it, and did not respond. She followed up again by email, then I responded.

As hard as it is, you need to learn to put yourself first. Until you do, *nobody* will put you first. I wish they did, but the world does not work like that. Not at all, whatsoever.

It does not matter how nice you are or how smart you are or if you have the brightest ideas. And I am sorry to break that truth for some people. It does not. At all.

Whenever I think about the kind woman I spoke about earlier in this blog to this day, I get guilt in my stomach. It is hard to face the people that people take advantage of. You can’t say “sorry” without any long back story, because you know you are wrong. You are at fault to have taken advantage of them. You are wrong. You should not have. It is no one else’s fault but you.

The people who are taken advantage of actually lack one skill only. One. The ability to prioritize themselves and be selfish.

This was learned either in childhood or early days of adulthood/adolescence. And not to be made fun of, ridiculed, or ashamed of. Not at all.

If you want to find the person closest to you who is taken advantage of the most, simply look for the leader of a team you are currently a part of or most recently were a part of. Every CEO, Founder, certified professional, Program Coordinator, mentor, educator, leader, or the like, had to have a moment where they stepped their foot down and put themselves first.

For myself, that was only October of this last year. I felt like I faced very bad disrespect then, and I remember yelling with conviction:

“I will never put anyone before myself from this day forward. Ever.” 

It hurt. So much. It was something I never thought I would ever say. My stomach was turning because I grew up for almost two decades saying “I hate selfish people.”

It is only March the next year now, I have seen drastic changes in the way people approach and treat me.

There are people I cherish beyond belief in my life that I have not spoken to in several months. I can name over a handful that I want to speak to right now. And the time apart being 6 months to a year for all of them. The reason why there has been radio silence? I never put myself first in front of them.

They never once saw me put myself first. Now that I always put myself first before anything or anyone, they all take large notice. All.

When you learn to prioritize yourself, you beg for a re-do on your life. You anger at times when you were so providing and giving. 

You cry because you know that there are people going 24 hours every day for 7 full days a week thinking “I can easily get her/him back,” “they are obsessed with me,” or “they are so easy.” 

You want people to see this new version of yourself, but they are stagnant. They are stuck on the old version of you. They think that you are susceptible to them easily coming back into your life. They think that you beg for attention from them.

It is not true, at all.

I quite literally do not have more than 30 minutes to 2 hours for anyone, every single day, to relax outside of work, academics, personal commitments, going out and getting drinks or exploring with friends. Nobody. Even if it were a life-changing opportunity, something that would provide me life security, or make me the absolute best version of myself, I would have to shift my schedule to accommodate it.

Learn to put yourself first, then help others. If that is a morning hour for yourself, great. Getting through all tasks first, great. Put you first.