Galicia Gordon on Leading Learners Blog

Mar 03, 2022

Negative People At School/Work. How To Remove Them From Your Life?

Can you recall anyone who has this “vibe” or this way about them that is simply rude, judgemental, would not want you to be happy, judges everything everyone does, or feels overall that anyone else’s successes are a burden?

I know that feeling. And I am sure you understand me too. There is typically a person or few that come to mind.

I told myself that when starting off this new year, I would cut out anyone who had such a presence. Immediately, I felt so happy. This unshakable peace. People can consider me dramatic, but I have actually never felt as happy in my life ever since I did. I felt so lightweight just removing them as a follower, or telling myself that from “_____ this day forward, I will not speak to them again.”

The sadder part about negative people is that people will typically still keep them around just to have them as a follower on their social wall or have someone they believe they can speak to, when they need. The truth is, they are not there to listen.

I told my friends how months after graduation if you have not heard from many people since then, it is important to find those important and relevant people to your life, and remove those you do not need to concern yourself with.

When it comes to negative people at school, the workplace, or watchful bystanders, I always tell people these three pointers: nobody is born negative and wanting to hurt anyone on this entire Earth, the people who keep them around will not grow, and you have to identify the people you truly care about and care for you.

Nobody is born negative or wanting to actively go out of their way to hurt someone and make them feel small

Nobody is born negative. Nobody is born thinking “I should belittle someone,” “I should hurt someone,” “I should make them not feel good enough.” Nobody. No one. None. At all. It is learned. The best way I can describe this is how I have previously in other blog posts.

The only way someone would be negative for no reason is internal. It is true. I used to find it confusing too, when some of these inspirational gurus would say "be positive to these negative people," "don't take it personally," or "hurt people hurt people."

An amazing YouTube channel named "ReFind You" described it like this: first an emotion, then a mood, then a personality trait. Nobody, again, nobody, on this entire Earth is born thinking "I should harm and damage someone, make them lose themselves, and see them fall and cry." Nobody. It is both sick and sad to say, but it is formed. First, an emotionally heightening experience happens in that person's life, then they carry out a general mood about people or people like yourself, and develop a personality trait. A personality trait can be thinking the worst of things, name-calling, avoiding people, always waiting for someone else to reach out first, or stonewalling. None of these are good.

The people who keep negative people around will not grow

I have grown more in one year than I have in almost two decades. Two full decades. Nobody could have prepared me for the experiences I would have gone through within only one year’s time, but I look at myself now compared to the old version of myself and I celebrate. I am proud. I genuinely can say I had my first, “I did that” moment. 

Negative people can “suck the life out of you” as they say, but also, allow you to rebirth yourself. Seeing how much I have grown within one year’s time is commemorable, and I could not be more grateful. I have this unshakable security within myself that nobody, and I mean, nobody, could ever affect.

Consider it a blessing in disguise, but also recognize that the new rebirthed version of yourself is what will allow you to propel in your life, in the real world.

Find the people who actually care for you

There is this quote or saying that you should only listen to people you would go for advice to, and I must question that. There are people I cannot recall asking practical and tangible advice from that I have known for years that I would go to their wedding, funeral, or important event because I cherish them.

When it comes to people’s opinions, remember these questions below to see if you should consider their opinion or keep them close. The majority of the time, with negative people, the answer is repeatedly “no.”

Would you go to them in a crisis? Are they reliable? Are they trustworthy? Would you go to their wedding? Would you go to their funeral? Do you want to see them happy? Do they make you a better person? 

Hope this brings relief and ease. My song recommendation is STYX’s “Renegade”: https://youtu.be/E9eLz4DrwF8. This is a real good celebratory song for when you feel the immediate relief of jumping into the best version of yourself. Which, I am right now. And enjoying my coffee too!